DorEm Answers

Emily,

I know in theory that my owning this $500 handbag will not solve any of the problems I may or may not have in my life, but when I held it today, it really felt like it might.  Why are handbags so expensive??  Why can’t I be satisfied carrying my belongings in a plastic handled Duane Reade bag?  My consumerism scares me.

Help,

Dorigen

Dorigen,

If you have come to me for reason, you have come to the wrong sister.  Behold the anti-plastic Duane Reade option that I covet…

Marc Jacobs

I have been hunting for a sophisticated, cross-body, tan leather purse that fits an iPad and maybe a shoe for some time now.  I found perfection in this Marc Jacobs for $428.  This bag is my “forever sweater,” if you will.  But, I’m sorry, that’s crazy money that I do not have. 

I warn you, when you visit in a couple weeks, we are going to Saks to stroke this purse in person. 

I have already shown this purse to anyone who will listen, including an aunt on the hubbie side that you need to meet, who is a stylist, and who has a super cool blog about shoes: www.shoes-of.com.  And, yes, this is a pic of me in my fav Aerosoles that I wore to your wedding.  They are my “walking heels.” 

Anywho, I completely refuse to help you with your purse/consumerism plight.  All I can do is feed the beast. 

Emily

P.S. J Crew (AKA J Cute, AKA J Crute) has some nice options for less, but they are either tiny or gargantuan; take your pick. 

Dorigen,

Please explain a jean short.

Emily

Emily,

The super short super distressed jean short seems to be a thing right now.  I recently went out to the shops in my Brooklyn neighborhood looking to buy a pair of shorts to bike in, and was faced with mostly this:

You can’t ride a bike in those.  There would be chafing.  They are what we used to call, back on the mean streets of 1990s Milwaukee, Wisconsin, “coochie cutters,” with slight updates to the wash and rise.   The technical term for what you can see just below the hem of the young lady in white’s shorts are her “booty rounds.”  95% of the population should not be wearing these shorts, if only for gynecological hygeine, and yet they are ubiquitous.  I just don’t know anymore.

Fondly,

Dorigen

Dorigen,

On a personal note I cannot deal with hair anymore.  Again.  I am thinking of getting a pixie cut variant. Again.  What are your thoughts on these…

BTW, that cute haircut I got recently stayed cute for one day.  I cannot with styling.  The above seem hassle free – some product, light straightening.

Love,

Emily

Emily,

The pixie is a bold bold move.  One I’ve never had the cojones to do, but one I think you can pull off.  First, you have a nicely shaped head. Second, your hair has a wave to it, which will keep your hair from limply lying flat on your head.  Third, you seem to always be able to communicate the exact look you are going for to stylists, something I have never had any success with.  But be wary, the pixie can veer into horrible horrible places. For every cute cut up there (I particularly like Ginnifer Goodwin’s, even though I think it looks terrible on HER), there is one that should serve as a warning to you. 

A modern pixie should have a little bang sweeping across the forehead, something that no one told Hayden Panettiere before she got this career-ruining disaster.

Or Pink!, apparently.  Actually, that’s not even a pixie, that’s a full on 1996 Clooney ceasar, and it’s horrible. 

And to underline the importance of hair texture, I present Kate Moss.  Arguable the most beautiful woman alive, she was NOT pulling this off.  I think it’s because her hair is relatively fine and straight, making this look like a limp sad mess.  It’s actually just not a very good cut either. 

Compare with Shannyn Sossamon.  Her hair has a bit more texture to it, it’s a sassy cut styled well, and she looks adorable.  It probably doesn’t hurt that she’s flatteringly back-lit. Try to always position yourself in relation to the light in a similar manner.

In closing, I say GO FOR IT.  Just be wary and very very clear with your stylist.  Good luck, and no matter what, WORK IT!

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Here’s the new do….

Although I’ve had this cut before, it does take some getting used to.  I am trying out best clothes to wear, and have found an earring or a necklace really helps.

Also, I don’t care if I look like a boy and I don’t care if I look like a lesbian, I just don’t want to look like Justin Bieber.  I think I have succeeded.  No?

Emily