DorEm Answers

Dear Dorigen,

So, there are legging boots now and I have questions…

Tamara Mellon’s “Sweet Revenge-Nappa S”

1. If street fashion influences high fashion, are legging boots a response to the cartoon/digital age and cosplay?
2. If flesh-colored shoes give the illusion of a longer leg, do flesh-colored legging boots give the illusion of wearing stilts while Donald Ducking?
3. How can legging boots be properly sized? There are three factors here – legging size (S, M, L), legging length (Regular, Long, Short), and shoe size. If you pick only one factor to size by, then there may be two factors that don’t even remotely fit.
4. If I wear these, and the heel breaks, do I need to take off my pants?
5. If I wear these to the office, does the heel part fit nicely into a pair of tennis shoes or flip flips for the walk to and from the train?
6. I once wore a pair of leggings that were so small, that every 20 steps or so they would roll down, past my butt (something I did not realize until I was deep into errands). I was wearing a winter coat at the time, so no butt was shown to the world, but if I didn’t pull up my pants, they would continue to roll down, towards the knee. I had to keep finding safe places to pull them back up while gingerly walking to the nearest store to buy a pair of emergency pants. No question; just sayin’.
7. How does one clean legging boots? Is there an “intimates” washing machine bag big enough for a pair of pants with two shoes attached? Do you just spit shine? Use Febreze and shoe polish, and then just cross your fingers that no one sniffs you too closely? If you use starch, do legging boots become purely sculptural?
8. If legging boots are offered in a jean print, are they then boo-jeggings? If they do not come in a jean print, would pedestrians still “boo” people wearing legging boots anyway?
9. What is the socially appropriate age window for wearing legging boots? My guess is they can only be worn within a three-week window after one’s 21st birthday.
10. If I wore legging boots as a guest to a wedding, would this be a more egregious upstaging of the bride than wearing white? If I wore white legging boots as a guest to a wedding, would I be asked to leave?
11. What is the capri version of the legging boot?

Love,

Em

Dear Emily,

This entire post made me cry: from laughter, and fear for humanity. A legging mule perhaps?

Fondly,

Dorigen