Category Archives: People

Scandal

Emily,

Please explain the media’s obsession with the sordid tale of the billionaire Rausing couple and their descent into drug addiction and death and how it may or may not relate to the novels of V.C. Andrews.

Dorigen

Dorigen

Thank you for the best question ever, because I am fascinated with this story.   I will now relay the events in V.C. Andrews styling, i.e. episodically, with a prequel and an epilogue. 

Book 1

Hans Rausing (unemployed and filthy rich) is pulled over by the police for erratic driving; he is clearly drunk.  In his car, the cops find drugs and a bag containing unopened letters addressed to his wife, Eva.  Who knows what crazed nonsense comes out of his mouth after he explains that his wife is in “California,” because this (all-too-common) drunk driving incident arouses so much suspicion that a warrant is immediately issued to search the house of Hans.

Book 2

 With search warrant in hand, the police enter the Rausing mansion with the intent to search for drugs.  The drug search does occur and they do find a lot (cocaine, heroin, crack, etc), but that happens after the cops follow the smell of a rotting corpse. 

Book 3

In a room filled with flies, Eva’s body is found under a 4 foot pile of clothes and garbage.  This is a taped shut room within a room with in a room with in an annex of a mansion filled with such convergences, with all doors barricaded by various pieces of furniture.  Of course, these precautions do not barricade the smell.  Her body is in advanced stages of decay – initial reports suggesting 4 days, but it turns out to be months.    

Book 4

 After an autopsy, the cause of Eva’s death is still unknown, presumably because of the massive decay.  Hans is arrested, but not questioned until many days later, due to his very real medical need for alcohol detoxification.  Hans is later officially charged with “preventing the lawful and decent burial” of his wife.  This shy, ne’er-do-well, confused, vacant billionaire is then sentenced to a suspended jail term of 10 months.  

Book 5 – Prequel

Hans was not charged with murder, because Eva was on borrowed time.  She had a pacemaker, she was once caught with thousands of dollars of crack, and she lost her mind at some regal social event at Buckingham Palace.  She knew she was going to die; everyone knew she was going to die.  Check out the Eva Rausing “death emails” – http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2173635/Eva-Rausing-death-Emails-edge-tragedy-struck.html

Epilogue

 I actually think the news media has done a decent job sympathetically reporting on this salacious story.  Eva had a drug problem, which led to her death, and Hans has a drug problem, which led to his crazed problem solving skills.  I wonder what will be said when this happens to my boy.

Love,

Emily

P.S. Recommended Readings…

A)    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/12/world/europe/british-tabloids-afire-with-death-of-heiress-eva-rausing.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1

B)    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9409092/Eva-Rausings-body-found-under-bin-bags-two-months-after-she-was-last-seen-alive.html

C)    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/02/world/europe/tetra-pak-heir-pleads-guilty-to-preventing-wifes-burial.html

 

And I will name her… RENESMEE

Emily,

I can’t even.

Dorigen

Dorigen, 

No, this will be the worst.  I am actually re-reading the final book, and skipping chapters.  Its a series of the longest, most boring conversations ever had that result in nothing.  I cannot wait for what could be the worst movie ever made.  I will love it like my own half breed daughter. 

Emily

P.S. These beautiful vampire people look really unfortunate on this cover.  It looks like a creepy V.C. Andrews family portrait for no reason.  

Ombre

Dorigen,

Please explain ombre hair.

look into my roots

Emily

Emily,

I’m about to stream-of-counsciousness this one.  Ombre is french for fading one color into another that originated to make backgrounds look cool in Powerpoint in the 90s.  Fact.

 
I guess it is also a dying process for fabric.  There was lots of ombre on the runway a few years ago.

The hair version came about as an extension of this for fancy stylists to show off how good they are with dye and to kind of replicate sun-bleached hair growing out?  I prefer it in cake form.

 
Ombre is not to be confused with “hombre.” 

In Closing, Paul Newman was hot.  I may have to do a complete retrospective of his films soon.

Love,

Dorigen

Team Building

Emily,

My bowels are filled with dread as I prepare for a 2-day work retreat. I wouldn’t mind so much if it had the possibility of being something like this:

But it’s going to be two full days of poorly conceived powerpoint presentations in a crappy hotel in Connecticut. What is the worst work-related activity you’ve had to be a part of?

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Girl, I am all for team building.  Um, my senior high school camping trip ended in my group winning the team building award, and I think it was in large part to me jumping into the lake from my canoe to help teach best rescue techniques and for using the plastic bag that held our props for the talent competition as a hair piece, because we ran out of props. 

I will trust-exercise anyone under the table. 

These events are an excuse to do ridiculous things with people that can otherwise be intimidating or annoying.  Have fun.  But to answer your question, the worst work related activity that I have had to endure is sharing a large bathroom.  Ugg.

Emily   

S, S, Double, Double U, To The V

Emily,

I’m having a major early 90s R&B nostalgia moment.  Apparently, so are SWV.  They’ve got a new album out, I Missed Us.  Girls, so did I.  They just don’t make girl groups like this anymore.  The attitude, the NAILS!  It makes me want to grab two friends and dress up in matching leather vests, caps and huge earrings.

Take a walk down memory lane with me, sis.  This video is amazing.  I love their ghetto living room with the ironing board in it.  Keepin it real.

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Yes, girl, yes.  Do you remember when I visited you in Boston, and we went to fix your tips?  I got just the one nail done, and it was SWV style – my pinkie was a long sunset with an island, palm tree, seagull, and a dolphin splashing in the ocean.  Magical.

Emily  

Kimye

Emily,

?

Dorigen

Dorigen,

I love you, because being asked to explain KIMYE is the darkest question I have ever received on DorEm.  And I was once asked to explain this:

KIMYE is the convergence of two barely-people, who (at their implied union) completely cease to exist in this reality as human beings.  They are now vapor or perhaps alien alpacabbit fur.  It is either a staged relationship or worse, an earnest attempt at love by emotionally incompetent celebutantes, which can only result in the calling of the locusts. 

I don’t trust it.

Maybe I’m just too cynical.  Maybe she truly is his do-nothing-while-getting-paid Yin to his all-up-in-everything Yang. 

I hope to never find out the truth. 

Emily