DorEm Answers

Dorigen,

Olivia Palermo will wrestle a grandmother to the ground for a bib necklace.

I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.

And she wears her trophies well, but can real people wear these bibs without them looking like bibs?

Emily

Emily,

You may know that I am guilty of loving a bib necklace.  IMHO, you can really dress up an otherwise ordinary outfit with a nice chest-piece full of beads and what-not.  I own several, much to the dismay of my dear husband.  He calls them amulets and makes lots of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom references when I wear them.  I think the bib necklace falls into that category of fashion that women love and men hate. 

I recently discovered that there is a new phenomenon in the world of “statement” necklaces: the collar.  As its name implies, it is a necklace in the shape of a collar.  Anthropologie’s website has an entire page and sub-category devoted to them.

I find the collar at best twee and at worst truly hideous, when expressed in its downmarket incarnation: 

The above picture illustrates just how difficult it is to accessorize.  You think you’re following a trend and sprucing up your every day look and you end up looking like you just escaped the crafts tent at camp Minnetonka in 1976. 

Say what you will about Olivia Palermo – she is probably most famous for being the most horrible person on a terrible show – but bitch knows how to accessorize.

This is an unwearable outfit for 99% of the population and yet she is pulling it off.  I don’t know how.  That said, I WOULD attempt to rock that bib necklace, but maybe with a solid monochromatic outfit. But I also don’t get paid to offer my advice on mixing high and low fashions.  Bitch.

Love,

Dorigen

Dorigen

Please explain a french tip.

Emily

Emily,

According to Nails Magazine, the french manicure is probably in no ways French and was created to be done on short nails to mimic the natural look of healthy groomed nails and would thus match any outfit.  First of all, Nails Magazine. Second of all, the French manicure has evolved into something real tacky, along with most other nail art. 

I won’t lie, I rocked a french tip in my teens and early 20s.  More specifically, I rocked an airbrushed French tip, because I was ghetto. My 1994/95 look was not dissimilar to this:

There were great advances in nail technology in the late 80s/early 90s that permitted the above glory to be accessible to the average lady off the street.  All we had before that was the at-home kit, and let’s be honest, I could do a better job with a bottle of white-out.

I don’t know when getting your nails did became a thing.  Were there even salons specifically for nails until the mid-80s?  Now they are eveywhere and cater to every taste, particularly if your taste is vulgar.  I will leave you with this, which… I feel sick.

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Please explain a pointed-shoulder blazer.

Emily

Emily,

I cannot possibly discuss pointy shoulder blazers without first sharing this amazing video of a local TV news anchor mocking two of the Kardashians wearing their matching versions of such:

Priceless.  Their voices are intolerable. 

Yeah, I don’t know.  I am old enough to remember shoulder pads and 80s power suits and am thus old enough to be shocked that they ever made a comeback, but what the hell do I know?  And when I think of 80s power suits, I obviously think of Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.

Single mother of five goes on vacation, babysitter dies, teenage Christina Applegate (!) lies about age to get high-powered fashion industry job to support family.  Amazing 80s power officewear ensues!  Wonderful!!  How does this movie only have 31% on Rotten Tomatoes?  Oh right, because it’s actually horrible.  I have seen it at least 10 times.   And so have you.  Because we taped it off of TV and watched that VHS cassette until no adjustment of the “tracking” knob could fix it. 

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Yes.  OMG.  My favorite part of DTMTBD is when Applegate is daydreaming about her burger (tacos?) truck boyfriend, and clown music plays.  Love.  Do you remember her herringbone braid?  White-wine spritzers?  Oh, and those ridiculous fashion uniforms that save the day?!  I loved every work day outfit of hers and often think of them when putting together my work looks.  Today I wore plastic hot pink shoes with my suit.  Work.

Emily