Hey Dorigen,

Winona Ryder was just asking me…

… “when is a headband ok?”  As evidenced by the above, I assume she already knows when it’s not.  Ima read, Ima read, Ima read.




The only time a headband should be worn is to keep your bangs out of your face during exercise.  (And that is pronounced “ex-SER-seize”):

I may be going out on a limb by saying this, but headbands are not now, nor have they ever been, an acceptable fashion accessory.  Even as a child I was anti-headband.  It may be because I have an oddly shaped head and wore huge plastic-framed glasses, making the 80s version of the headband impractical and somewhat painful.  I was really irritated with Olivia Newton John for giving the cross-forehead headband a fashion moment. 

Meanwhile, OMG, I just watched the video for Physical.  There is a LOT of inappropriate man flesh in there!

At any rate, with a glasses frame going a full inch and a half above my natural eyebrow, there was no way the Olivia Newton John was going to be feasible.  And unfortunately, in 1984, there was no Kim Kardashian to show me how to appropriately adjust my headband to accomodate multiple accessories at once.  Behold the brilliance.  Place headband AT the hairline!

Nope, it still looks stupid.  The 50s style over-the-head headband never worked for me either.  The plastic u-shaped Goody-brand ones from the drugstore pinched my enormous head and also interfered with my glasses, and there’s no way to wear a stretchy “flex-comb” style without looking like a complete asshole.

Actually the over-the-head headband doesn’t really work even if you have a normal-sized head.  It comes off as twee and costumy.  Ask Emmy Rossum:

I don’t know, though. Maybe I’m just biased.  Headbands do seem like they could come in handy when you didn’t have time to wash your hair or have an out-of-control cowlick, but I think it’s safer to just leave them alone altogether.


One thought on “Headband

  1. […] oh, and a lot of uncovered, little forehead pimples for some reason. I haven’t gone full headband yet, but I’m getting there. A couple weeks ago, my bangs had grown about an extra inch and I […]

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