DorEm Answers

Dorigen,

Please explain facinators.

❤

Emily

Emily,

I didn’t really know what a fascinator was until I started planning for my wedding.  They are basically clip on headpieces; a head accoutrement that falls just short of a hat on the continuum of “things that go on your head.” 

There are all sorts of things I was blissfully ignorant of prior to my wedding, such as:  

Engagement Photoshoots (yikes)

Reception Photo Booths (and the importance of moustaches on sticks)

Eyelash Estensions (so natural looking!)

And of course, The Wedding Blogs To keep you informed of all the trends your wedding will be a failure without. 

Coincidentally, this was around the same time as the Royal Wedding, which really brought fascinators mainstream in the U.S.  

It is traditional in Britain for ladies to wear ridiculous objects attached to their heads at formal events, and I kind of love it.  Here is a fun slideshow of royals in fascinators. 

And here is my fabulous mother-in-law in her fascinator at my own wedding!

So that’s fascinators.  Until the recent British Formal Headpiece Invasion, I think the main use of fascinators in the U.S. was for moms who really wanted you to know their newborn was a GIRL, dammit.  

Fondly,
Dorigen

Dear Dorigen,

We received a question from my girl Danika; and I quote…

Douche prints out. Using homeskillet back in. I am assuming the home slice is also back on the table. Can you please explain pantsuits to me?

YES – “home slice” is definitely on the table, and as far as I’m concerned it never left; however, it does need some Miss. Havisham dusting off.  In fact, Miss Havisham‘s outlook on life would have vastly improved had she used the Urban Dictionary as a word-of-the-day resource.   True of us all.

Also, I will happily explain pantsuits.  First, let’s define our terms, because “pantsuits” and “pant suits” are two very different beasts.

Pant suits can be cute…

No my name ‘aint baby, it’s Jackie, Miss Brown if you’re nasty.

Meanwhile, pantsuits, are not, nor can they ever be, cute.

Yes? My name is Baby...

Who knew (other than Google) that the elimination of a single space would result in such catastrophe?

“Pantsuits” are matchy-matchy, often bright/citrus colored, often elastic-implied, synthetic material outfits that are always worn as a unit.  These are not separates, honey, so don’t even try it.  They are a single step from a nurse’s uniform and worn by ladies a half step away from the nursing home.

I fully plan on wearing these comfort-over-style-sets, while sipping iced tea and eating cheesecake at the Shady Pines retirement home.  Please join me.

Emily

Emily,

I feel like we have ignored the men here.  I wasn’t even sure the casual two-piece suit for men still existed, but lo and behold it does!

Favored by the stylish urban man of a certain age in the 1980s and often seen headed to/from church on a summer Sunday on Lisbon Ave in Milwaukee, this was the casual jazzy alternative to a more formal suit look.  And I am so happy to know this website exists.   For all your colorful suit, walking stick and alligator skin shoe needs!  

Dorigen

Dorigen

Please explain Longchamp…

…and why everyone owns one.

Emily

Emily,

Yeah, I think those are gym bags for rich people?  Or bookbags for Upper East Side highschoolers?  That’s the only reason I can see for someone paying nearly $200 for the privilege of carrying a vinyl bag with a little leather flap with a logo on it.  And I guess they’re French, so that gives them that extra je ne says qua.  I see lots of these on the shoulders of sorority girl types trying to out-logo each other.  Along with these:

And these:

And these:

Next time I’m in Chinatown I ‘ll have to check out what the knock-off situation is on Canal Street.  Here’s a helpful guide for spotting a faux.  Meanwhile, I found this photo on the internets whilst searching for Lilly Pulitzer.  I apologize to whoever’s spring formal this photo is from, but it is Priceless:

Dorigen

Dear p/o,

Thank you for your question:

Why did so many men have large (often “tribal”) prints on their tee-shirts a few years ago? Why did they then suddenly disappear?

Let me first answer your question with an earnest “I have no idea, those things are tacky and look permanently soiled in personal fluids.”  Now that we have the truth out of the way, I will take a deep breath and dive into the unknown.

By tribal print, I believe you mean this…

…which is a monstrosity of “distressed” whatnot (a technical term).

If I dig into my personal memory banks (and not do any actual research on this dark spot on men’s fashion), I think excessive “tribal” prints on tee’s is a form of “peacocking.”

check homeskillet in the middle back

This is an image of grown men dressed as overly confident circus performers, also known as the cast of VH1’s “The Pickup Artist,” also known as one of the best reality TV shows of all time.  On a side – other reality show favorites are, of course, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” “Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska,” “Paradise Hotel,” and only the first seasons of “The Real World” and “The Bachelor” (because he was not cute).

“The Pickup Artist” is the first place that I heard of the term “peacocking,” which is the process of adorning eye-catching clothing or accessories that are worn to entice a potential partner, much like a male peacock flashing his feathers for all the hot lady birds in the club.  Those tribal tee abominations display the confidence of a man willing to go above and beyond the basic tee to sleep with anything on two legs.  Wait, “on two legs” is too narrow; really they’re up for any man, woman, or object that responds to their posturing.

Why did the tribal tee seemingly disappear?  Perhaps its potency was deluded with so many thinking it was ok to look like a douche bag.

MTV knows what I’m talking about.

These kids need to continuously up their game if they’re going to keep up those conquest tally marks.

sup

Emily

Dorigen,

Are clogs still back or is their reprise over?  Either way (on a personal note) – are these cute and what would I even wear them with?

You know I'm Aerosoles brand loyal.

Your sis,

Emily

p.s. These shoes are also on the table.

p.p.s. Both shoes have been purchased.  BUT I’m open to returning…

Emily

Emily,

I’m not 100% sure but I think to qualify as a clog, the shoe has to have a wooden sole. Those black abominations above are straight up mules, and that I cannot support. Are mules still being manufactured?  A closed-toe shoe in front, flip-flop in the back?  Let’s not go here:

Meanwhile, clogs.  Clogs were my jam in 1992.  I wore a pair similar to these every day my junior year in high school:

They were clunky, unfeminine and loud, just how we liked our shoes in the 90s. They make me think of The Real World San Francisco, which, OMG!, you can watch full episodes of on mtv.com!

Rachel (front) was my style ICON.  She wore belly shirts, ribbon chokers, plaid miniskirts and clogs.  Hot.  Maybe clogs ARE due for a comeback!  But please leave the mules to the mules.

Dorigen 

p.s. I had some vague idea that Rachel married that dude Sean from The Real World: Boston, but did you know he is now a MEMBER OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES??? From Wisconsin!  Just sayin.  I need to follow up with my RW/RR cast alumni!

Dorigen,

Hilarious.  I kept the gray booties (wearing them for the first time today)  and plan to return the clogs, I mean mules.  Ahem, they totally had a fake wood sole with stamped wood grain pattern.  I actually thought I could work them out, despite your sound logic, but they are not cute on.  My feet looked like banana boats.

Emily