DorEm Answers

Dorigen,

As a grown woman in my 30’s, are over-the-knee boots fabulous or shameful?

These are too rich for my blood and are listed as “5th Avenue Extended-Front Knee Boot.”

Ok, full disclosure – so, that picture shows some super cute boots, and if I was actually able to buy those, there would be no question that I would buy them, regardless of your response.

But, you know I’m checking out these from, you guessed it, Aerosoles.

Love,

Emily

Dearest Emily,

As a working mom, I have to say over-the-knee boots are totally impractical and a waste of money.  And that I would also totally rock those ones above in a heartbeat.  Personally, I think over-the-knee boots that hit just at the knee are totally leg-elongating and cute.  Any higher and you get into Pretty Woman territory and nobody needs that.  Your brand-loyalty to Aerosoles is steadfast and enduring, and I find those boots to be pretty cute and safe for the price, though they are faux leather, which needs to be seen in person.  

But I have to ask, why do shoe stores name all of their shoes? WHY are the boots you linked to called “Baking Sota”? Is that a pun?  Because I’ve spent several minutes thinking about it and I am coming up blank.  It’s not even descriptive. 

This one, for instance, is called “Bridel Suite”:

Why??  So it’s an alternative spelling of “bridal suite.”  There is nothing bridal about a tall black boot.  “Bridle Suite” might have kind of worked because it’s sort of a riding-boot style and bridle=horse-related, ok I can get there.  But Bridel? I googled it and it’s a town in Luxembourg.  Is there a wacky tongue-in-cheek boot-related reference I’m missing here?

On this search, I also found a link to the website of one David Bridel, “choreographer, teacher of acting, movement and clown”.   I wonder how many people looking for reasonably-priced bridal gowns end up on his site, and how many end up hiring him as a clown for their special day.  Probably none.

Fondly,
Dorigen

Dorigen,

Please explain a cape dress.

And should I buy this?

Love,

Emily

Dear Emily,

Cape dresses are really having a moment right now, and I have to say, I think they are FABULOUS.  One of my favorite Oscar night dresses this year was Diane Kruger’s graphic black and white ball of cuteness:

Adorable, right?? And Gwyneth Paltrow, who I have never liked, but who has been Working It fashion-wise for the past few years, KILLED it at the Oscars last year in this sleek number.  She looks like a G.

Speaking of being a “G.” When Django Unchained first opened, there was all sorts of a kerfluffle in the media about Quentin Tarantino’s treatment of slavery – was it accurate? too flip? crass entertainment at the expense of a delicate and horrific part of our nation’s history, etc?  I would say no and yes, and maybe, but my favorite commentary was when a Facebook friend-of-a-friend living in Cleveland noted “Sure, spaghetti western and sure, 70’s and yes slavery. And yes, everyone is making pretty sound critiques both pro and con, but as the young kid (17 or so) leaving the theatre said, “damn that movie made me feel like a fucking G!” This has become my new criteria for whether I like a movie or not.  Did I leave the theater feeling like a fucking G?  For this year’s Oscar nominees, I will say Silver Linings Playbook: absolutely not; Zero Dark Thirty: yes!; Argo: a little bit like a G.  At any rate, Gwyneth Paltrow in her cape dress?  A G.

That said, I think a cape dress is really hard to pull off in real life.  They are being marketed and sold, such as this pretty freaking cute (and currently sold out) one from L.A.M.B.:

I mean, that’s pretty bad-ass.  It’s got the sleekness of Gwynnie’s combined with the younger and twee-er length of Diane’s.  Would I get laughed out of the office if I showed up in that to work? Yes.  I think you need to be either a 16-year-old model or a 60+ wealthy Upper East Side widow to pull off a cape.  It also seems like it would really get in the way of certain things, such as sitting down.  That said, still fabulous.  If you have the balls to pull it off, do it!

Love, Dorigen

Emily,

Please explain “no-chip” nails.

Dorigen

Dear Dorigen,

When getting a standard manicure, the chipping (for me) begins on day one; in fact, I’ve usually smudged at least two nails when exiting the salon.  So, this no chip business is a miraculous thing.

About a month ago, I experienced the no chip.  After an hour of repeated trips under the heat lamp and a cost double a standard manicure, I had perfect nails.  They were perfect for a whole week, and at the end of a perfect second week, I felt like an undead goddess, unable to tarnish or change.  But, the changes came, and they were unfortunate.

Apparently I was supposed to have this nail polish professionally removed after three weeks (at the most), but I thought I’d see it through.  After the third week, the color had yellowed somewhat and the polish hadn’t chipped so much as peeled off in sections, from the cuticle up.  If I helped the peeling along, the top layer of my nail came with it. 

By the end of the forth week, I was finding chunks of glittered polish surrounding my desk at work.  It’s now been about six weeks, and I am sans polish, with all of my nails a little worse for wear.  I suggest giving the no chip a try if you want to feel like a super being for two weeks, and then a hag monster for four. 

Love, 

Emily

Dorigen,

Olivia Palermo will wrestle a grandmother to the ground for a bib necklace.

I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.

And she wears her trophies well, but can real people wear these bibs without them looking like bibs?

Emily

Emily,

You may know that I am guilty of loving a bib necklace.  IMHO, you can really dress up an otherwise ordinary outfit with a nice chest-piece full of beads and what-not.  I own several, much to the dismay of my dear husband.  He calls them amulets and makes lots of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom references when I wear them.  I think the bib necklace falls into that category of fashion that women love and men hate. 

I recently discovered that there is a new phenomenon in the world of “statement” necklaces: the collar.  As its name implies, it is a necklace in the shape of a collar.  Anthropologie’s website has an entire page and sub-category devoted to them.

I find the collar at best twee and at worst truly hideous, when expressed in its downmarket incarnation: 

The above picture illustrates just how difficult it is to accessorize.  You think you’re following a trend and sprucing up your every day look and you end up looking like you just escaped the crafts tent at camp Minnetonka in 1976. 

Say what you will about Olivia Palermo – she is probably most famous for being the most horrible person on a terrible show – but bitch knows how to accessorize.

This is an unwearable outfit for 99% of the population and yet she is pulling it off.  I don’t know how.  That said, I WOULD attempt to rock that bib necklace, but maybe with a solid monochromatic outfit. But I also don’t get paid to offer my advice on mixing high and low fashions.  Bitch.

Love,

Dorigen