The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 11,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 18 years to get that many views.
Emily,
Please explain Jem and the Holograms and its implication on modern society.
Dorigen
Dorigen,
For the sisters who are uninitiated…
“Jem and the Holograms” was an 80’s cartoon show about a well-intentioned rock band and their misadventures with a hologram technology that created the alter ego “Jem” for Jerrica Benton, a recently orphaned heiress to a record company and an orphanage for girls.
As random as that may sound, “Jem and the Holograms” was on point with sitcoms of the 80’s:
Those are some big shoes to fill, “girl.”
I recently watched all 65 episodes (mostly in one sitting), and I learned a thing or two about life, love, and sequins. Basically, that they are all in the same. Oh, and that song lyrics really only need one phrase put on a repeat mix.
That deep cut was brought to you by the The Misfits, the bad girls to the do-gooding Holograms, and as advertised, they really made some mischief! Seriously, they nearly kill somebody every episode. They will cut a b*tch for a pair of hot pants.
Back on topic… I also learned that, for a children’s show about drag queens (yeah, I said it), “Jem and the Holograms” can be for reals judgmental. Like in Season 1, Episode 25: Culture Clash, when Jem openly mocked “concept art.” Darling, with five and a half pink Pomeranians on your head, you are in no position to read. Also, Jem was having none of the actor from Season 3, Episode 4: Beauty and the Rock Promoter, after he took off his electric beast costume. (Is that what happened to Robsten?)
So in conclusion, “Jem and the Holograms” is the best PSA for children of any era, who need to learn how to let a man down easy.
Love,
Emily
Hey Dorigen,
Winona Ryder was just asking me…
… “when is a headband ok?” As evidenced by the above, I assume she already knows when it’s not. Ima read, Ima read, Ima read.
Love,
Emily
Emily,
The only time a headband should be worn is to keep your bangs out of your face during exercise. (And that is pronounced “ex-SER-seize”):
I may be going out on a limb by saying this, but headbands are not now, nor have they ever been, an acceptable fashion accessory. Even as a child I was anti-headband. It may be because I have an oddly shaped head and wore huge plastic-framed glasses, making the 80s version of the headband impractical and somewhat painful. I was really irritated with Olivia Newton John for giving the cross-forehead headband a fashion moment.
Meanwhile, OMG, I just watched the video for Physical. There is a LOT of inappropriate man flesh in there!
At any rate, with a glasses frame going a full inch and a half above my natural eyebrow, there was no way the Olivia Newton John was going to be feasible. And unfortunately, in 1984, there was no Kim Kardashian to show me how to appropriately adjust my headband to accomodate multiple accessories at once. Behold the brilliance. Place headband AT the hairline!
Nope, it still looks stupid. The 50s style over-the-head headband never worked for me either. The plastic u-shaped Goody-brand ones from the drugstore pinched my enormous head and also interfered with my glasses, and there’s no way to wear a stretchy “flex-comb” style without looking like a complete asshole.
Actually the over-the-head headband doesn’t really work even if you have a normal-sized head. It comes off as twee and costumy. Ask Emmy Rossum:
I don’t know, though. Maybe I’m just biased. Headbands do seem like they could come in handy when you didn’t have time to wash your hair or have an out-of-control cowlick, but I think it’s safer to just leave them alone altogether.
Dorigen
Emily,
Please explain a water park.
Dorigen
Dorigen,
Water parks are a wonderful thing.
Do you remember “J’s Amusements Park” in Guerneville, CA? It was deep in the middle of the tallest woods and across from the best pee-wee golf ever. The park had a questionable water slide with mild (pre-teen “lifeguard”) supervision. It was wonderful.
Most recently I visited the other water park of my childhood – “Noah’s Ark” in Wisconsin Dells, WI. Under new management and because I am now in my 30’s, the experience was unfortunately lackluster. Half the park was closed and we ran out of things to do in just a couple hours. Our last visit a few years ago lasted two full days and resulted in a deeply earned sunburn.
Still, water parks, are one of my favorite vacation options. Every single water park, regardless of when it was built, is a trip back to the 80’s – lots of neon, frivolity, and teenagers. While I could do without the teenagers (I have recently decided than anyone under the age of 32 is the worst), I love this nonsense world of decadence and splashing.
Emily
Emily
What is 42?
Dorigen
Dorigen and Jeff,
According to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” 42 is “the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.” It is the meaning of life, as calculated by a super computer. The number itself is meaningless, other than the fact this particular number just sounds funny. I recommend this series of books, which go on to try to figure out what the ultimate question is, because this answer of 42 makes no sense.
Also, perhaps when I turn 42, I will finally feel like a grown up, but I thought that might happen at 32 and 22.
Love,
Em
P.S. Thanks Jeff! Don’t panic.
Emily,
My bowels are filled with dread as I prepare for a 2-day work retreat. I wouldn’t mind so much if it had the possibility of being something like this:
But it’s going to be two full days of poorly conceived powerpoint presentations in a crappy hotel in Connecticut. What is the worst work-related activity you’ve had to be a part of?
Dorigen
Dorigen,
Girl, I am all for team building. Um, my senior high school camping trip ended in my group winning the team building award, and I think it was in large part to me jumping into the lake from my canoe to help teach best rescue techniques and for using the plastic bag that held our props for the talent competition as a hair piece, because we ran out of props.
I will trust-exercise anyone under the table.
These events are an excuse to do ridiculous things with people that can otherwise be intimidating or annoying. Have fun. But to answer your question, the worst work related activity that I have had to endure is sharing a large bathroom. Ugg.
Emily
DorEm Answers 