DorEm Answers

Dear Dorigen,

I went gluten free and lost 10 lbs, so now I’m looking at clothes that aren’t tents.  Here are my top fashion images for effortless / preppy / boho / equestrian / 60’s librarian / 70’s feminist / aristocrat.  Werk.

Every outfit is improved with a blazer, but I think this image is made by the errand umbrella-let .

I like to think that this shirt is emerald green and she plays the cello.

tibi.com.

Also, to keep spending to a minimum, I have decided to limit 2013 to obtaining only 5 key pieces:

1) Navy blazer– I may pick it up this weekend, thanks to awesome J-Crew Christmas gift certificates!!!

2) Straight dark jeans – I don’t think I have ever owned the elusive perfect pair of jeans, even when I was a size 6 for a week and a half in 2003.

Oprah knows what I’m talking about.

3) Button down, collared shirt in white (or black) – so difficult to find a white shirt that is not transparent.

4) Nude flats – penny loafers or oxfords

Sadly, the nude color is no longer available (yep, J-Crew)

5) Summer shoes – this is a necessity, because all of my shoes are somehow boots.  I’m thinking something in a Worishofer, because I am a hipsternt.

man repeller?

What are your fashion goals for 2013?

Love,

Em

Dear Emily,

I love and fully support your vision for 2013 and am jealous that I cannot myself in good faith wear much of what you’ve posted here.  As you may have heard, I am pregnant. This being my first child, I have no idea what I’m doing, what to expect or how to deal with the changes my body is going through.  I guess my fashion goal for 2013 is to be a Cute Pregnant Person.  This is difficult to do when your body changes daily and you have no idea what clothes will fit/look cute a week from now.  All I do know is that my entire current wardrobe looks like crap on me right now.  I am 15 weeks along and have less of a “cute baby bump” than a horrific thickening of the waist and all other body parts which prevents me from buttoning/zipping any of my clothes. 

It seems silly to me to spend tons of money on a new wardrobe that will probably not fit me in 2 months and definitely not fit after I have the baby.  That said, I cannot spend the next six months uncomfortable and hideously dressed.  It’s a conundrum.  I bought one of these:

Since you have no reason to know about the BellaBand, it is a “seamless maternity band designed to hold up unbuttoned jeans or too loose maternity pants.”  Let me give you a tip: these do not work.  In theory, you are able to wear your regular jeans unbuttoned with this tube of elastic pulled over your crotch and belly and your pants suddenly become comfortable and stay up.  In reality, you are wearing unbuttoned unzipped pants with a tube of elastic over them pressing the button and zipper into the tender skin of your abdomen and utterly failing to keep your pants from falling down or to convince anyone that you are not wearing your jeans unbuttoned and unzipped with a tube of elastic wrapped around them. 

For the moment, I have resorted to wearing leggings all weekend and tights and elasticized-waisted dresses during the week.  Unfortunately, this means I am alternating approximately 3 outfits at work.  I am going to have to do some major maternity clothes shopping and just cringe at the thought of it.  There is some hideous shit out there.   Truth.

My hope is to be more of a Selma Blair than a Jessica Simpson pregnant lady, but I don’t have the budget of either.

Bad:

Good:

 I am still figuring out this whole thing and will keep you posted. 

Now about those Worishofer sandals…  No.  Please review my comments on the hideous clog mules you were coveting this time last year.
Might I suggest a classic strappy flat from Madewell?  Love these.

Love,

Dorigen

Emily,

Please explain Jem and the Holograms and its implication on modern society.

Dorigen

Dorigen,

For the sisters who are uninitiated…

 “Jem and the Holograms” was an 80’s cartoon show about a well-intentioned rock band and their misadventures with a hologram technology that created the alter ego “Jem” for Jerrica Benton, a recently orphaned heiress to a record company and an orphanage for girls. 

As random as that may sound, “Jem and the Holograms” was on point with sitcoms of the 80’s:

1. they killed off the mom character and
2. the show was created in collaboration with Hasbro, and many dolls were sold.  They were awesome; albeit manish in comparison to Barbie. 

Those are some big shoes to fill, “girl.”

I recently watched all 65 episodes (mostly in one sitting), and I learned a thing or two about life, love, and sequins.  Basically, that they are all in the same.  Oh, and that song lyrics really only need one phrase put on a repeat mix.

That deep cut was brought to you by the The Misfits, the bad girls to the do-gooding Holograms, and as advertised, they really made some mischief!  Seriously, they nearly kill somebody every episode.  They will cut a b*tch for a pair of hot pants. 

Back on topic… I also learned that, for a children’s show about drag queens (yeah, I said it), “Jem and the Holograms” can be for reals judgmental.  Like in Season 1, Episode 25: Culture Clash, when Jem openly mocked “concept art.”  Darling, with five and a half pink Pomeranians on your head, you are in no position to read.  Also, Jem was having none of the actor from Season 3, Episode 4: Beauty and the Rock Promoter, after he took off his electric beast costume.  (Is that what happened to Robsten?)

So in conclusion, “Jem and the Holograms” is the best PSA for children of any era, who need to learn how to let a man down easy.

Love,

Emily