Monthly Archives: April 2012

Tribal Tee-Shirts

Dear p/o,

Thank you for your question:

Why did so many men have large (often “tribal”) prints on their tee-shirts a few years ago? Why did they then suddenly disappear?

Let me first answer your question with an earnest “I have no idea, those things are tacky and look permanently soiled in personal fluids.”  Now that we have the truth out of the way, I will take a deep breath and dive into the unknown.

By tribal print, I believe you mean this…

…which is a monstrosity of “distressed” whatnot (a technical term).

If I dig into my personal memory banks (and not do any actual research on this dark spot on men’s fashion), I think excessive “tribal” prints on tee’s is a form of “peacocking.”

check homeskillet in the middle back

This is an image of grown men dressed as overly confident circus performers, also known as the cast of VH1’s “The Pickup Artist,” also known as one of the best reality TV shows of all time.  On a side – other reality show favorites are, of course, “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” “Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska,” “Paradise Hotel,” and only the first seasons of “The Real World” and “The Bachelor” (because he was not cute).

“The Pickup Artist” is the first place that I heard of the term “peacocking,” which is the process of adorning eye-catching clothing or accessories that are worn to entice a potential partner, much like a male peacock flashing his feathers for all the hot lady birds in the club.  Those tribal tee abominations display the confidence of a man willing to go above and beyond the basic tee to sleep with anything on two legs.  Wait, “on two legs” is too narrow; really they’re up for any man, woman, or object that responds to their posturing.

Why did the tribal tee seemingly disappear?  Perhaps its potency was deluded with so many thinking it was ok to look like a douche bag.

MTV knows what I’m talking about.

These kids need to continuously up their game if they’re going to keep up those conquest tally marks.

sup

Emily

Coachella Part 2

Emily,

I am a little bit bitter about the fact that my dreams of going to Coachella this year have been smashed.  First, tickets for both weekends sold out in 3 hours.  Then, after shelling out tons of cash on stubhub to buy wristbands from some horrible scalper, the festival promoters informed me I my camping pass would be invalid anyway, so I decided to cut my losses and stay the f home.  Now photos of celebs are rolling in from the festival and all I can do is HATE.  Less a question than a request to hate with me, please discuss celebs and Coachella fashion.

Dorigen

Dorigen,

Grrrrl, Coachella would have been made better by your presence, but you would not have been made better by Coachella.  I may have lost my sister to tassels…

Honey, its not "down to earth" if it includes an over-sized denim Louis Vuitton bag.

or other such nonsense.  Meanwhile, the only concerts I would want to see can never exist again or ever, i.e. “Joy Division” circa 1979…

…or a live (yet still somehow animated) version of the “Chipmunk Punk” album…

I would throw my underwear onto that stage.

 …or Ol’ Dirty Bastard reading the phonebook.  

Alright, let's do this.

To beat the HATE-drums, I suggest putting on a bandana and creating a better concert than Coachella.  Might I recommend the space called “living room sing-a-long?”  My girl, Danika, and I used to rock out to this jam on repeat…

 

Best “concert” ever.

Emily

Clogs

Dorigen,

Are clogs still back or is their reprise over?  Either way (on a personal note) – are these cute and what would I even wear them with?

You know I'm Aerosoles brand loyal.

Your sis,

Emily

p.s. These shoes are also on the table.

p.p.s. Both shoes have been purchased.  BUT I’m open to returning…

Emily

Emily,

I’m not 100% sure but I think to qualify as a clog, the shoe has to have a wooden sole. Those black abominations above are straight up mules, and that I cannot support. Are mules still being manufactured?  A closed-toe shoe in front, flip-flop in the back?  Let’s not go here:

Meanwhile, clogs.  Clogs were my jam in 1992.  I wore a pair similar to these every day my junior year in high school:

They were clunky, unfeminine and loud, just how we liked our shoes in the 90s. They make me think of The Real World San Francisco, which, OMG!, you can watch full episodes of on mtv.com!

Rachel (front) was my style ICON.  She wore belly shirts, ribbon chokers, plaid miniskirts and clogs.  Hot.  Maybe clogs ARE due for a comeback!  But please leave the mules to the mules.

Dorigen 

p.s. I had some vague idea that Rachel married that dude Sean from The Real World: Boston, but did you know he is now a MEMBER OF THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES??? From Wisconsin!  Just sayin.  I need to follow up with my RW/RR cast alumni!

Dorigen,

Hilarious.  I kept the gray booties (wearing them for the first time today)  and plan to return the clogs, I mean mules.  Ahem, they totally had a fake wood sole with stamped wood grain pattern.  I actually thought I could work them out, despite your sound logic, but they are not cute on.  My feet looked like banana boats.

Emily