Legging Boots

Dear Dorigen,

So, there are legging boots now and I have questions…

69db8456728fc4d8e65bd2c21e1f0be7e5857b4b

Tamara Mellon’s “Sweet Revenge-Nappa S”

  1. If street fashion influences high fashion, are legging boots a response to the cartoon/digital age and cosplay?
  2. If flesh-colored shoes give the illusion of a longer leg, do flesh-colored legging boots give the illusion of wearing stilts while Donald Ducking?
  3. How can legging boots be properly sized? There are three factors here – legging size (S, M, L), legging length (Regular, Long, Short), and shoe size. If you pick only one factor to size by, then there may be two factors that don’t even remotely fit.
  4. If I wear these, and the heel breaks, do I need to take off my pants?
  5. If I wear these to the office, does the heel part fit nicely into a pair of tennis shoes or flip flips for the walk to and from the train?
  6. I once wore a pair of leggings that were so small, that every 20 steps or so they would roll down, past my butt (something I did not realize until I was deep into errands). I was wearing a winter coat at the time, so no butt was shown to the world, but if I didn’t pull up my pants, they would continue to roll down, towards the knee. I had to keep finding safe places to pull them back up while gingerly walking to the nearest store to buy a pair of emergency pants. No question; just sayin’.
  7. How does one clean legging boots? Is there an “intimates” washing machine bag big enough for a pair of pants with two shoes attached? Do you just spit shine? Use Febreze and shoe polish, and then just cross your fingers that no one sniffs you too closely? If you use starch, do legging boots become purely sculptural?
  8. If legging boots are offered in a jean print, are they then boo-jeggings? If they do not come in a jean print, would pedestrians still “boo” people wearing legging boots anyway?
  9. What is the socially appropriate age window for wearing legging boots? My guess is they can only be worn within a three-week window after one’s 21st birthday.
  10. If I wore legging boots as a guest to a wedding, would this be a more egregious upstaging of the bride than wearing white? If wore white legging boots as a guest to a wedding, would I be asked to leave?
  11. What is the capri version of the legging boot?

Love,

Em


Dear Emily,

This entire post made me cry: from laughter, and fear for humanity. A legging mule perhaps?

Fondly,

Dorigen

The Perfect Accessory

Dear Dorigen,

Three key things that you know about me have converged into an interesting moment.

  • I am afraid of heights; specifically, open spaces that are up high (e.g. waiting for the L, open atriums, short ladders), any open areas where I could slip and tumble over.
  • I no longer eat grains and have a salad for lunch every day.
  • When in California for our last visit, I made a special trip to a stone shop and picked up a couple things. Specifically, a dark brown “grounding” stone, which can help with heights and I keep it with me, always.

So, the other day, on my walk to my daily salad bar lunch, which is in a food court on the second floor of a building with a terrifyingly open atrium, I had my grounding stone in hand. I was outside at this point and I was just playing with the stone, twirling it in my hands as I walked, and then I dropped it. I was ultimately able to retrieve it, but before I did… it skipped down the sidewalk and an earnest gentleman, noticing that I had dropped something that was bouncing towards him, started to move to pick it up for me. However, when it got close to him, and he could see it, he recoiled. He quickly moved his arms back, inhaled a large breath and darted a look at me. I think he thought it was poop.

Love,

Em

IMG_1663

 

Clownishness

Dear Dorigen,
Thank you for the link to Look 1 in Tory Burch’s new collection. It has all the hallmarks of being the perfect “Emily Dress” – ruffle collar, over-sized print, flouncy sleeves – in short: clownishness.
TB
I am completely down for circus realness; it is my go-to Fashion (yes, with a capital “F”). I do not own a single animal print (e.g. a zebra stripe), but I own MANY articles of clothing with full animals on them (sometimes as a print) – my favorite 2017 summer outfit was a t-shirt with pink leopards on it and matching shorts (both LOFT).
I recently went shopping with a dear friend of mine and tried on a top with tiered, billowy sleeves and a cape-like embroidered vest over it. We joked about the ridiculousness of it, I became obsessed over it, and then I proceeded to wait almost 2 days before ordering that confection of a shirt (it is now in heavy rotation). Had the tent of a vest-cape been in my price range, I would be swimming in it right now.
Instead, today I am wearing this ringleader extravaganza of a blazer.
jacket
After my husband remarked that it looked “clownish” when I was trying it on for him, I said “Yep. It’s non-negotiable. I’m keeping it.”

Love you,

Em

A Cold Shoulder

Hi Dorigen,

I would like to dissect the “cold shoulder” sleeve.

For the uninitiated, these sleeves have a cutout, exposing the shoulder, and then often open further to expose a sliver (or more) of the bicep. They are rampant in back-episodes of Dance Moms.

cs1

I am personally all-in on the tight cold shoulder that is all black and exposes the shoulder only – they are very 90’s dance mix.

No; it’s the cold shoulder with the bicep window-slits that have shaken me.

 

slit_back_cold_shoulder_basic_rayon_top_with_seam_detail_1

As mentioned in my response to your denouncement of the maxi dress, I am top heavy, so anything that literally points to my sausage arms is problematic. Also, having such a large opening on the top of the arm creates a loose bunching of fabric under the arm, which fashionistas call a “dolman sleeve” and I call “breast wings.” Dolman sleeves make me look like I have one large, long breast that helps me glide between the tops of buildings.

eef26c9a280fa5a0b6897608dace7af2

With those complaints in mind, I still wore a “cold shoulder” sleeve sweater the other day – the orange over-sized Tibi I got from UAL last visit. It only has the one open sleeve; I thought the asymmetry was fierce; unflattering, but fierce.

I am fine with fit taking a backseat to fabulousness, but I’m unconvinced that a “cold-shoulder” is worth the compromise. Also, the single dolman sleeve / half breast wing that was created with that single “cold-shoulder” did not help me fly to work.

Love you!

Em

Polanski is a fan of HE-MAN

Dear Dorigen,

We have an exclusive from another family member – my beloved husband, Pete, discovered a connection while rewatching a favorite film of his youth: 1987’s Masters of the Universe. I give you his findings…

Friends and family,

During our screening of the 1987 tour de force Masters of the Universe; the Dolph Lundgren vehicle, and the one that you mistakenly remember as having co-starred Dabney Coleman, but then when you realize upon re-watching that it was actually this guy,

Hi, I'm Jon Cypher.

Hi, I’m Jon Cypher.

and also you are certain that they recycled a character from Legend…

Billy Barty as Screwball from Legend

Billy Barty as Screwball from Legend

…and you were right,

Billy Barty as Gwildor from Masters of the Universe

Billy Barty as Gwildor from Masters of the Universe

I made a fantastic discovery. Watch these two videos for details. I probably spent way too much time for relatively small payoff, but hopefully you find it as funny as I did.

FASHION and STYLE Paris report

Hi Dorigen,

While we were in Nashville, spotting pedal pushers and a lot of orange, our Aunt Anne was in Paris, soaking up the fabulousness.

AuntAnne

Here are her brilliant and enlightening insights:

FASHION and STYLE Paris report. Female hair styles for teens/20’s beachy hair; no highlights! 30+ short hair and not styled but “wash and wear”. Men sport 2″ or longer hair; little evidence of shaved. Dresses/skirts are knee-length or longer. Skinny jeans rein for both sexes. Parisians seem to have the skinniest, longest legs so they look fabulous. Rare to see heels; flats are all the rage and/or strappy shoes. Must have straps around the ankle. Men seem to love the suede slip-ons. The latter aggressively embrace style; that’s why there are numerous men’s boutiques. Me? I look like a tourist.

I love this woman.

Em